That OR Nurse Wannabe That I Am

If you can dream it, you can do it.
Whatever you become depends on what you pursue.

19th November.The weather is sizzling and I woke up okay without the tantrums. I was quick to realize that I am suppose to attend an interview in Medical Center Taguig, a hospital being built a few blocks from my house. The thought of being in another job interview still don’t give me the chills just like it did when I got interviewed on my first job. I don’t know why. I’m supposed to tremble and feel nervous but it’s just not that. Probably because I am way too sleepy in the morning? Uhh, it’s just weird.

So the interview went on. The interviewer then started asking and in the middle of nowhere, he asked which area would I like to be assigned to and why.

And my head’s just blank.

I know I wanted to be an OR nurse. I am longing to become the queen of the theater. I mean, honestly, I don’t know if I would really fit in and if I’m going to love it forever but those few months of  training in the operating room is the best that I’ve had in my entire nursing school life I would say. But this time, it’s going to be real. No more grades and didactics. Just me and the job  which would be my bread and butter.

So I got confused and it seems that I am unsure about my answer on being an OR nurse. I know I should’ve prepared for it but I never expected that this question will put me on the spot.

The interview ended. I am a bit disappointed about myself for what happened. Right now, I am blaming the lack of nervousness I’ve had. I am that kind of person who flourish when I’m trembling.

I sat down on my bed staring blankly. I wish my answer didn’t really matter to the interviewer (of course it does matter, stupid). I then found myself grabbing a piece of pen and paper with the thoughts of writing down why I wanted to become an OR nurse so bad.

I suddenly thought of that serene OR environment, organized and well-kept, those handsome surgeons (lol kidding, but I meant that)… I then realized why I love being the theater. I know I love feeling the spirit of teamwork and in the OR, it is very prominent. Doctors, nurses, anesthesiologists and the rest of the healthcare team work hand in hand during an operation. I also come to think that if the doctors are the “King” of the theater, nurses are the “Queen.” People might think that nurses would only be concerned of the patient in the OR table and nothing else but the truth is. she also takes care of the surgeons and the rest of the OR team making sure that everyone is comfortable and equipped with whatever they need to perform a successful operation. Just like in a game of chess, the queen protects the king.

Moreover, I enjoy learning hands on. Being in the theater makes you one step closer to learning and actually seeing what you have only read and learned in most nursing and anatomy books. I can say that my OR experience is one of the most promising experience I’ve had in my entire nursing life. Of course, the eight hours of work standing beside the table is really exhausting but being part of a successful operation is just priceless. It’s like welcoming a new life out of the world.

So there it is, the next time he’d ask (and I hope I’ll get a better chance), I know I’ll never be lost. Ever. Again.

When the Universe Says No–Not Yet!

You both share the same gestures, hobbies, priorities and dreams alike.
You laugh together over the same jokes without the awkward feeling.
You both have mutual fondness of each other’s company, believes in each other’s words and stand by them together.
You talk about things together over and over and never get tired of them.
You can remember every little thing and detail about each other–what makes one happy, sad, angry and frustrated.
You genuinely have so many things in common that makes you the perfect fit, and yet,

You two can’t be together.

It’s funny how every single detail of things are perfect. Well, I’d say almost perfect–But sometimes, for some unknown reasons of the so-called damn universe, things just cannot go together, simply because they can’t be. Like oil and liquid separating from each other, magnets attracting opposite sides and much worst than that.
The language of the universe is a much difficult thing to decipher, probably more than calculus equations and all stuff in numbers.

The story goes.

They are both the smartest in class, shares the same principles even though at some point, they’re personalities are way, way different. He’s silent, humble and just the ideal good guy. She’s loud, a bully and a villain of the class. Yet again, despite of the differences, they get along together.
I can remember her telling me about this major exam in PE class and that she’s aiming to get the highest score but when she knew that he can’t answer one of the questions, even if he wasn’t asking for help, she gave out clues all the way to the answer.
They were the best of friends and they don’t even realize it, I’d say.
Years later, they got separated. I heard they were both doing good on different schools.
She told me that there are times she misses him and their good old times. I’m not sure about him though. As far as I know, he was so busy in school.
After quite some time, they’ve seen each other again on our reunion. But things were different and both of them have new lives to turn to. At that time, he admitted to all of us that way back then, he really likes her, he meant it in a different way. But then, he also concluded that it’s just way back then.
She never told us how she felt or if she feels the same way over him. I know she did, but she’s keeping it to herself. Maybe not even to herself. She’s already taken by someone else and I knew she really love the guy from what I’ve been told.
It’s been years since they finally get to see each other again. Once in a while, we are having this mini reunion and that’s the only time I hear from both of them. She was still committed. He’s not (in his entire life I believe). They were both happy and excited seeing each other, some would say it may be a way of the universe giving them a chance but still at this time they can’t be together.
Was he waiting for nobody but her? I don’t know. I can’t get a chance to ask. Wouldn’t she consider a chance for the two of them? I don’t know either.
What I do see though, is the universe giving them chance to see each other and miss each other for some reasons that my reasons or their reasons in that case, cannot explain.
They might think that the universe is saying no to them despite of being the perfect match. But  I’d say when people think, the universe says “No,” for me it’s probably “not yet.”

Regression.

It felt real.
I’m numb and still, yet wide awake.
For a second, I decided I’m vulnerable.

He was there standing right in front of me and that feeling of regret I never really had (or never thought I will have) succumbed me. I was the one who turned and pushed him away–gave up our friendship and everything. Way back then, I have a lot of new things surrounding me–new people, a new life indeed, and I let all that in, closing doors to my old life.

He never gave up on us. Rather, I am the one who did–and at that time, I did not felt a single regret. Maybe because I’m young and happy with what my new life gives me. I have a vague memory on how it all ended–the communication, musings and all that friendship for years. All I can remember now is him moving to a far place, without even saying goodbye.

Now, that we’ve come across each other, out of sudden, I felt sorry for what I did and I don’t know where that came from. The thing is, he don’t need apologies anymore (not like he really needs to hear them before) but he already grew out of it, moved on and started a new life as well. He’s happy with his new life, I know for sure, so why would he even bother? Besides, I have a new life too–not too perfect and all that but I can live with it. At least.

I know that I should be happy for him. But I just couldn’t and don’t know why. I just can’t accept the fact that he’d moved on and all that–forgot all about our friendship (just like what I did when I was “young” and at the “happiest” point of my life). I know that being young and happy is not an excuse but still, I don’t get it–and I don’t want to.

I was there, about to open my mouth and utter the words I need (rather needless) to say, but in a blink of an eye, he was all gone…

Suddenly, it was just me and that roughly painted ceiling I’m staring at.

 

What Women Sees, What Men Don’t

Why are there times that certain  things occur and we, women constantly nag about them and men still don’t acknowledge the issue? And why do we always have to continually complain on the same stuff over and over again, and men had to ignore these as if nothing’s wrong (or is there really something wrong)?

According to Ripley (2005), a man’s brain is designed to focus on narrow perspectives and block out any unrelated information. Whereas, a  woman’s brain has the ability to see things in a much “broader” perspective allowing her to see what lies underneath.

Given this, it must be a fact that there are things women see and men tend to ignore, not because they intentionally ignore them but because they don’t see how things really are. Just when we are about to get mad that the bathroom floor is left unclean and  see this as something extremely irritating, to men, it’s harmless.

So yeah, maybe we just give in to the fact that men and women are created to think differently and both should respect each other’s differences. Men might think that women are too over acting on things but given the fact that we are designed as complex and extremely vigilant beings, they might take that into consideration too.

Here are some things that we, women, sees and think that you (guys) don’t (To guys, please feel free to cite how you feel and what you think we see and don’t). I guess it would really help to at least let you know (and you let us know!):

1. It’s normal for us to get mad when our favorite spot in the house (i.e., the kitchen) is in bizarre mess and blame you over it.

 2. Your lack of affection or reaction may sometimes mean to us as “lack of sweetness” or “there is something wrong or fishy.”

3. Special dates such as monthsary, anniversary, birthdays, first dates and the like are so important to us so if you tend to forget any of those, you’re dead meat (P.S. Either prepare for war or simply sleep outside the house).

4. If we caught you checking out other girls’ Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. (especially acquaintances of the opposite sex) our first reaction would be, “there’s something fishy.”

5. If you’re head is always on your favorite game, especially when we’re talking, we think we’re just your “second priority.”

6. We know you’re busy at work but when you’re super busy (regardless of what work that be), we think you tend to forget us.

 

7. When you say we look fat, we totally see ourselves as Fat-fat. Like really, really FAT.

 8. When you don’t reply to our messages, one of our thoughts would be, “She’s texting someone else.”

 9. When you said our cooking was “okay,” it means “not okay” for us.

 10. When we nag over your friends, we don’t really mean it. It’s somehow our way of just getting your attention.

 11. When we asked if we can check your phone and you did not show it, we might think that you’re hiding something (and be prepared to be stalked).

 

12. When we say something negative over how you look, we don’t really mean it. We just like to play coy with you.

and there’s still a lot of fuzz that we might need to discuss about! So, feel free to comment and tag along! What do you guys say?